When Homeschooling Becomes Disappointing

Lately, I’ve been really struggling with my idea of homeschool vs. my reality of homeschool. I go through this periodically as I try to envision what I want our homeschool to look like and build that vision into a working reality. The best-laid plans don’t always prove to be successful. But in all of my years struggling with my idea vs. my reality I have never quite been able to accept the disappointment with grace.

You see, in my head, our homeschool is very much TV perfect. Ok, honestly, my life has always been more like a sitcom. But however many outrageous ordeals we might go through, in the end, we are supposed to sum things up with rainbows and unicorns. I know it sounds ridiculous. I feel ridiculous typing this. I can’t help it.

Picture This:

I am taking great amounts of my time and energy to research, plan, and execute these amazing opportunities for learning different and interesting things for the kids like science classes about the stars and living history experiences at the local historic homestead. Imagine the kids happily (or at the minimum willingly) participating in the class/activities.

I spend enormous amounts of time and money researching, looking at and buying curriculum and other educational products for our home learning opportunities like math and language arts programs that fit each kids’ needs, abilities, and learning style. Picture the kids getting through the minimally assigned work in a reasonable amount of time.

I carefully choose books that are interesting and engaging. I devote sometimes HOURS of my night to reading to the kids. What if reading time was this beautiful moment when we are all snuggled under a cozy blanket together, listening, and engaging in epic stories of fantasy, history, and wonder.

I drive out to a variety of different places, pay admission, and spend the day so the kids can visit a variety of different museums and zoos and other places of education. Wouldn’t it be magical if the kids come out of that place at least knowing *something* they didn’t know going in?

My Reality

It’s a beautiful picture I have painted in my mind, right? My reality is much darker.

My kids are the ones hiding under chairs or crawling across tables. They grumpily glare at me from across a room. (If looks could kill, I’d be dead a hundred times over.) Despite the maximum 2 hour school day plan, they moan and groan about So. Much. Work. And every little thing distracts them from their work. One simple problem could take hours to complete.

Nightly storytime can best be described as an MMA match over who gets to sit on my right side because apparently my left side has cooties? Don’t even get me started on the random questions asked between each sentence I read. Sometimes it takes me an hour to read a paragraph!

And WHY are we racing from the front door to the exit of every museum? How can we actually see any of the exhibits?

Comparing Apples to Oranges

I think one thing that really causes me frustration is playing the comparison game. I know logically that life isn’t TV-perfect. We have more than a 30-minute or hour timeframe to live our life. Things don’t always get summed up nice and neat in the end. I can rationalize that kids will pay attention to things they are interested in and they just aren’t interested in everything. It makes perfect sense to me that my kids are active little balls of energy and sitting to listen to someone teach them about beavers or reading every plaque at the museum can be too much for all of the synapses going off in those brains.

But still…

Everyone Else's Kids

When we go to classes and events I notice the other kids and how they are acting. I can see them sitting and listening. They raise their hands, answer questions, and participate in activities. The other kids seem to be enjoying their learning experience. Meanwhile, my kids are climbing across picnic tables and meowing. I worry about them distracting the other kids and being disrespectful to the instructor.

Social Media

Social media is a huge source of comparing disappointment. I see Facebook pictures of friends’ kids all sitting around the table really involved in some cool science experiment. I oooh and ahh over Instagram pictures of kids out in the world exploring with giant smiles, doing something extraordinary. I know that those pictures are small moments in time and that we rarely share our chaos when the kids are having a meltdown because they have to do math. I stage those pictures myself.

In My Own Head

And of course, there is just my own head convincing me that everyone else’s kids are these perfect little angels while mine are evil incarnate setting out to destroy any dreams I may have of a beautiful and peaceful life. Ok. Maybe that’s a little extreme, but some days I really do wonder if their end game is to make me crazy.

So Where Do We Go From Here?

I think ultimately, our “idea” of how things should be vs. our reality boils down to an emotional vs. logical reaction.

Emotionally, I feel disappointed that our homeschool isn’t rainbows and unicorns. I am angry at myself that I have failed the kids in fostering a love of learning somehow. I am sad that my kids aren’t fully appreciating this amazing opportunity they have. I am depressed because I don’t know how or even if I can fix things for the better.

So where do we go from here? I think we have to reconcile our emotions with our logic. We have to accept that our kids are not always on the same page. We absolutely HAVE to stop comparing because no matter what our kids are their own unique individuals. Our families have their own unique identities. And well, let’s face it…. we are not exactly our mainstream Bedford wives. Beyond that, we just have to deal with our own negative emotions, and try to find the positive ones.

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