The other day I was scrolling through Facebook and came upon a question that grabbed my attention. The writer asked if there were other homeschool moms out there that did not subscribe to the “homeschool culture.”
My first reaction was curiosity about what others’ responses were. As I looked through the comments I became aware that a lot of the responders echoed my second reaction: What does “homeschool culture” mean? What exactly is this person asking? Of course, I started thinking…
And a lot of the comments seemed more about making friends, even when the original poster clarified her question with the comment:
“It’s open to individual interpretation on purpose, but there’s a trend with homeschoolers to look down on and demonized other types of education, to need to humble brag about their kids (more than average), and to make the kids the focus of all conversation. I’m HSing because it’s in my child’s best interest at the moment and in his specific situation, not because of ideology. Even secular homeschooling seems to take on an almost religious fervor for some people (not to pick on anyone, but lots of posts here about being devastated kids want to go to traditional schooling). I join FB groups for good ideas and tips, not because “these are my people
“. Like, I HS, but I don’t feel any different than I did as a traditional school parent. It can make it difficult to plan things and makes friends when you aren’t SUPER WAY INTO THIS THING…”
Maybe the original poster needs to read my suggestions on Making Homeschool Mommy Friends. While I’m certainly comical, there’s some truth to finding and making friends, and not judging people based on generalizations is a pretty good start.
So, here’s the thing… all of the homeschoolers I know are very different. They homeschool for different reasons, in different ways, with different ideologies. There are some that are completely anti-“other types of education” and some that are kombucha drinking, anti-vaccinating proponents. There are some that love and adore every precious moment with the beautiful little beings they breathed into existence. But there are just as many that support all kinds of other educational types. There are some that enjoy Coca-Cola and Jack Daniels, sometimes together. There are some that recognize their kids can be assholes. And no two of them are alike.
In many ways, doesn’t this attitude of a singular “homeschool culture” reflect a generalized view of homeschoolers at large? We are already fighting the perception that we are all broom-skirt wearing, religious extremists holed up on our farm, sheltering our children from the evils of the world while abusing our children reciting Proverbs 13:24 “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”
What is ``Culture``?
How does this idea correlate to homeschoolers?
Perhaps instead of the question, “Do you subscribe to the homeschool culture?” the better question is, “Do you subscribe to the crunchy homeschool culture?” Or “religious homeschool culture,” or “Classical conversations homeschool culture,” or “Charlotte Mason homeschool culture,” etc. etc. Because honestly, my experience with homeschoolers is that we are all individuals. We are as different from each other as public school families or private school families. I’m just not seeing this one idea of who we are with the outliers that don’t fit in.
But maybe it's just me.
But it felt kind of…. judgmental. Comments like:
“We hate cliques. We do not associate with coops nor the culture.”
“We definitely don’t fit into the “love having the kids home 24/7,” need no breaks, public school bad mouthing I see from some homeschoolers.”
“I often get a “look” when I mention that we homeschool “for now” and I won’t commit to homeschooling through all of high school. Or I get a different look when they say, “Homeschooling is great, you can avoid all the brainwashing from the general population and school system” and I reply with, “We do what is right for each child at that time.”
“
“Yeah, I don’t make my own kombucha, do vaccinate my kids, and stopped breastfeeding long before my kids turned 3, so that makes me the odd woman out in a lot of co-op conversations.”
You get the idea… I don’t think these moms meant to be judgmental, or maybe they did…. but whatever their intention, comments like these felt generalized to all homeschoolers, not the few.
Do we really need more generalizations pressed upon us?
- Maybe I have this expansive view of homeschoolers because I’m lucky enough to live in a pretty urban area with a huge diverse homeschool community. We have secular homeschoolers, religious homeschoolers, multi-cultural homeschoolers, crunchy homeschoolers, unschoolers…. every type of homeschooler you could think of.
- Maybe I feel differently because I have a lot of wonderful non-homeschooling friends as well as many, many fantastic homeschooling friends.
- Maybe I feel differently because I have a child that went to private school and public school and was successful and had an overall good experience.
- Maybe I feel differently because I don’t subscribe to any one specific ideology myself. I believe that there are many different ways to approach anything in life and that one way may be right now and not later or right for me and wrong for you.
And maybe if my situation were different, I would see that a “homeschool culture” is a pejorative thing.
Yeah. I guess I'm in.
Having a child with autism what popped into my mind after reading this was a popular saying among autism families. “If you’ve met one person with Autist, then you have met ONE person with autism.” I think this applies iin so many areas of our lives so, “if you have met one family who homeschools, then you’ve met ONE family who homeschools.”
We are all unique as you said, we all homeschool different ways and for different reasons, and we all at the end of the day strive to what’s best for our family. 🙂
Absolutely true! What an awesome saying. I know so many people who homeschool and even if I can group them into “reasons why” they homeschool, they still differ in “how” they homeschool. There’s no one-size fits all for homeschooling. Perhaps, not too many years ago the biggest difference was religious vs. secular and certainly that struggle holds true today in many areas, but with the ease in connecting with people and travelling there’s really no excuse for not finding a tribe unless you just don’t want to.